Ears hurt as if they're exploding. Eyes are burning. Lungs are filled with smoke. Fingers frozen. Toes and noses are numb. Hearts skip a beat in excitement. It's New Years Eve. Loud noises sound like music. Bright lights shot up into the air and deviding into a thousand little stars. Smoke which smells so good that you can't resist breathing deep down to the bottom of your lungs. Cold bodies that make us take a step closer to each other, touch warm bodies underneath layers of clothes with swollen hands and dance with our toes to see if they're still on our feet. Hearts are boiling with happiness and love for others as well as ourselves as we watch old memories get blown up far above us. The only things we are left with are dreams of new adventures and hopes of the best year of our lives being just around the corner. Just behind the smoke from the bonfire. With sweet taste of cheap champagne on the tip of our tongue and our bellies filled with food we go out to the night, wishing to stay awake in this moment forever.
It's New Years Eve and anything could happen.
New Years in Iceland is magical. It's impossible not to feel it when standing outside in the dark, cold night among elves and fairies and ghosts from the past hiding in every corner around you. Maybe that's just the bubble talking, but it doesn't matter. It's just about feeling and enjoying the moment. For me this night is holy. Although I'm starting to realize that the fact that a new year has knocked on your door doesn't really change a thing, the world hasn't turned upside down and you're still left with the same worries, wonderings and all that, you're friends and family are still there and your home has stayed the same, I'm still left with a feeling of relief every time. It's the perfect time to change the things that need to change, to turn some tables. It's a time to look back on both the good times and the bad times, think about what you want out of your life (or at least this upcoming year) and make plans in order to get closer to what you want. I always make new years resolutions. Every single year. I write them on a piece of paper and tape them to a rakette. It makes them more real to see them explode high up in the sky and imagine that them spreading all over the world. It's like letting the universe know that you will manage to keep your resolutions. They don't have to be anything revolutionary. Just something that you want to fullfill and will make proud of yourself. Because you should be so, so proud of yourself.
This past year has mainly been good. For some reason though, itbeen one of the mentally most exhausting years of mine. It has had its ups and downs, but mainly been fantastic. I had many great axperiences. I went to five countries within a week - Sweden, Finland, Russia, Estonia and Norway. I also went to France. We had many big celebrations in the family. I gained two beautiful baby girls into my life. Sadly, they're not mine. I got a new piercing. I moved to the dorm at my school and got a lovely roommate whom I get along with splendidly. I've spent some memorable evenings with many amazing people.
This year will involve even bigger and better adventures. I turn 20 in less than two months. I'll be able to buy my own alcohol and get into pretty much all clubs and bars I'd possibly wish to go to.
I graduate from school. Although I've liked the school, I love my friends and wish I could live in my childhood home forever and never had to miss my family, I can't help that I sometimes feel like my cheeks could explode and I'm going to throw up butterflies in excitement that I can finally see the end of this period in my life and start planning the future somewhere else in the world. I know where I'm heading. I've known since I was about 12. I realized it in ninth grade. I've spent hours figuring out what path to take to get there, and it's all getting clearer now. It gets clearer everyday. Final decisions might even be made within this week. I can litterally feel the butterflies in my mouth as we speak. This year is my most exciting year so far. Sometimes I want to crawl under my bed and sleep forever because of it. But most of the time I want to just ditch everything and start my journey right now.
At the start of this school year a classmate of mine said: "Only 8 months to go, then life begins." I thought it sounded strange. But in a way, it's true. Until now life has mainly been preparation for what's yet to come. This year I'll finally get to see life in the real world, and have the chance to use what I've learned. And of course learn a lot more. It's exciting.
I decided to delete most of my previous blog posts. Only the ones that I remember spending a great deal of time and energy to write and the ones with my best photographs got to stay. A great amount of my old posts were simply strange and irritating. While reading through them (quickly) I felt like the butterflies in my mouth were slowly dying a painful death or even worse - turning back into gruds - and would definitely not have come out flying in a jolly, colorful fairytale-y way like you'd wish it did.
I decided to delete most of my previous blog posts. Only the ones that I remember spending a great deal of time and energy to write and the ones with my best photographs got to stay. A great amount of my old posts were simply strange and irritating. While reading through them (quickly) I felt like the butterflies in my mouth were slowly dying a painful death or even worse - turning back into gruds - and would definitely not have come out flying in a jolly, colorful fairytale-y way like you'd wish it did.
I wish everyone a happy new year.
Pictures: private.
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